By Emma Weidmann | Arts and Life Editor
Imagine you’re standing right behind me in line at a coffee shop. This is what you would see, each and every time: I walk up to order my coffee, and as I’m staring into the tired eyes of a barista who’s made about 70 iced vanilla lattes already, I suddenly forget every word in my vocabulary except for “iced vanilla latte.” I swore this would be the time I ordered something new and different — something that would make the barista think, “Wow, her coffee order is, like, really cool” — but I’ve failed again. And you know what? The iced vanilla latte is never that good anyway.
Well, those days are over. Here’s a full rundown of everything you need to know about coffee. Yes, including what in the world an Americano is. You’re welcome.
1. Latte
Starting off simple — or basic, if you’re a coffee snob — we have the latte. A latte is made of one or two shots of espresso under a thick blanket of steamed milk, with a thin layer of frothed milk on top where the latte art you post on your Instagram goes. Lattes typically come in a variety of flavors, especially seasonally, such as vanilla, pumpkin, caramel, honey and lavender. I often find myself wishing that I could branch out, as I’ve had a lot of lattes that have tasted like vanilla syrup, burnt espresso and melted ice.
2. Flat white
The flat white is the same as the latte, but it has no foam. I get it: You’re trying to be different. You’re quirky. You don’t order that “double caramel frappe-whatever” with sweet cold foam — but at this point, just get a latte, dude.
3. Americano
The Americano is one of two coffee orders your dad gets. These are made of espresso and hot water, and they pack a punch. If you love the taste of espresso but want to tone it down a bit, you can ask the barista to add a splash of milk to it. Order it hot or iced — it makes no difference. The Americano will wake you up in a pinch.
4. Cappuccino, cortado and macchiato
Cappuccinos, cortados and macchiatos are similar drinks, and the difference is all in the ratio of espresso to milk to foam. A cappuccino is the other thing your dad gets. It has an equal ratio of espresso, steamed milk and foam. It’s about half the size of a latte, so it has much less milk and foam in total.
A cortado is the same as a cappuccino, but it lacks foam entirely. It’s just equal parts espresso and milk. See above: flat white.
Finally, a macchiato is not for the weak — espresso with a scoop of foam, no steamed milk. At a mere two ounces, it’s tiny. Don’t mistake a real macchiato for the popular caramel macchiato from Starbucks, which is closer to a latte and will not prepare you for the experience of drinking an actual macchiato. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
