By Abbey Ferguson | LTVN Reporter/Anchor
One of my favorite classic rom-coms is “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” but even with its witty, humorous take on dating, it presents an interesting phenomenon: Women are extremely aware of what it takes to keep (or lose) a man. It is splashed on every magazine headline in big, bold letters: “How to keep a guy interested,” “5 ways to keep him from losing interest in you,” “36 easy, sexy ways to keep a guy eager to be with you.” All of these rules and tips are practically ingrained in every woman’s head from the beginning of her life, but is that same knowledge really projected to men as well? In my dating experience, the overwhelming answer is no. So, why not flip the script? Here’s how to lose a girl in 10 days.
1. Don’t make her a priority. Have you ever had a guy get up and leave in the middle of a date? Or make plans with seemingly everyone else before you? Well, I certainly have. Making your partner feel like a second choice over and over will lead to a place of deep resentment. Finding a healthy balance between your personal space, hanging out with friends and quality time with your girlfriend can oftentimes be a challenge, especially in college, but it is possible and necessary for a long-lasting relationship. If you choose “the boys” over your girl every time, don’t count on her sticking around.
2. Lie (a lot). Nobody likes a liar, especially your girlfriend. In a study conducted by the University of Utah, one of the top reasons that participants would consider leaving their relationship was a breach of trust. Research at the University of Notre Dame also revealed that participants who practiced avoiding lies experienced improved relationships. The more lies you construe, the less trust your partner will have in your honesty, ultimately affecting her perception of your emotions and diminishing her compassion toward you.
3. Blame your mistakes on your self-inflicted ignorance. While a lack of forgiveness is a major reason why couples break up, empty excuses for mistakes will lead nowhere, especially if you use naivety or oblivion to support your missteps. (PSA: Saying “I didn’t know” doesn’t cut it after too many tries.) Instead, communicate with your partner, admit your wrongdoings and understand her boundaries to move on from the situation without getting defensive and deflective.
4. Disrespect her. Flirt with other girls in front of her. Break her boundaries. Continue to make those “harmless” jokes that everyone knows are not really that harmless (or funny, either). Disrespecting your girlfriend for the sake of a little female attention or a laugh at her expense is insulting. Contempt is seen as the No. 1 predictor of divorce, so a continuous lack of respect attacks your girlfriend’s self-esteem and sense of safety in the relationship, relating to a lack of trust as well.
5. Don’t take an interest in what excites her. You might not care about what surprise song Taylor Swift sang at her concert or who Pete Davidson is dating this week, but your girlfriend probably does. Having separate passions in a relationship is important to maintain each of your senses of self, but supporting your girlfriend’s interests (even if they aren’t your own) is also a necessity.
6. Pretend to listen (but just tune her out). We all know that communication is key, but so is active listening. A study conducted by researchers at Louisiana State University states that being a good listener is a keystone characteristic of nurturing healthy relationships. One of the easiest ways to lose a girl is to pretend to listen but to neglect actually paying attention to her. Stay present in constructive conversations, especially during disagreements. In a world that often silences women, your girlfriend truly just wants to feel heard.
7. Don’t make an effort to plan meaningful dates. Spending quality time together is an essential aspect of a relationship. A study from the National Library of Medicine found that couples who engaged in activities together were significantly more likely to use constructive communication. A survey by the National Marriage Project states that couples who had “date night” weekly were 3.5 times more likely to report being “very happy” in their relationship compared to couples who lacked this designated time. Failing to plan meaningful dates will lead to a lack of excitement in the relationship and could disconnect you from your girlfriend.
8. Withhold your affection and attention. No one wants to see excessive PDA, but completely withdrawing any affection or attention from your girlfriend — especially around your friends — is going to leave her feeling lonely and embarrassed.
9. Have a selfish perspective. To maintain a healthy relationship, you simply cannot only see things from your own biased point of view. A study conducted by the University of New England finds that perspective-taking requires a cognitive aspect of empathy, essentially taking a step outside of your own worldview, walking in your partner’s shoes and being able to understand how emotions and history influence her responses. Only looking at situations, particularly disagreements, through your own lens will hinder your ability to empathize, leaving your girlfriend feeling misunderstood.
10. Misdirect your anger. It’s been a long day of class; your intramural pickle ball team just lost, and your roommate left his dirty dishes in the sink for the third day in a row. We get it: You are upset. But instead of misdirecting that anger toward your girlfriend, learn to process those emotions internally.
Now obviously, my personal dating experience doesn’t necessarily reflect the majority of the dating pool (I hope), and I am a firm believer that relationships take an immense amount of compromise, communication and forgiveness. However, if “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” taught me anything, it’s that there are certainly relationship dealbreakers.
