By Arden Berry | Staff Writer
As an introvert, I have always enjoyed my alone time. Growing up, I spent countless hours alone in my room. I didn’t like doing my homework around other people, I was perfectly happy playing alone and I had a hard time at sleepovers because there were other people around in an unfamiliar environment.
So when I started thinking about college, the idea of sharing a bedroom and bathroom with anyone for an extended amount of time was incredibly daunting. I was worried about losing my alone time, about needing to shower when someone else was showering and about my roommate being judgmental. I didn’t think I’d be able to keep watching my silly TV shows and YouTube videos without being judged. I worried I would always have to hide my awkwardness and always be “on” when my roommate was around.
All my fears dissipated when I first met my roommate and suitemates. We just clicked. Well, it wasn’t that simple, but it felt like it was. From the moment we met, my roommates never pretended to be anyone but themselves, and I am forever grateful to them for it. They made it easier for me to be myself around them.
It’s tempting to pretend to fit some lofty definition of normal when you first meet your roommate. Don’t. It’s hard to get to know a statue. For me, being myself means sometimes shutting down and not talking. At other times, it means going on and on about something I care about. I never feel like I’m doing something wrong when my roommate and I are sitting a few feet away from each other and not talking, and it never feels weird when we do talk.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that having roommates was actually the perfect thing for an introvert like me trying to make friends freshman year. I prefer having fewer, closer friends to having many acquaintances, and I struggle with going out and actively trying to make friends. With roommates, not only did I have a solid, close-knit group of friends already established, but they were literally close enough that I didn’t have to worry about getting too far out of my comfort zone or even leaving my room.
Not only did I enjoy community living during the school year, but I also missed it when I returned home. This summer, I had a dream where I was back in my dorm room, and all my roommates were there. I woke up half-expecting to look over and see them in the room, and I was disappointed when they were not there. I realized, then, that I missed the closeness, in terms of both emotional and physical proximity, that comes with having roommates.
Not everyone gets as lucky as I did. I have heard the stories: “my roommate hates me;” “I’m not friends with my roommate;” “don’t room with your friends, you’ll get tired of each other.” I am not denying that these situations happen. Of course they do. However, I would still go into community living with an open mind. Even if you don’t get along with your roommate (and, if you’re up for it, even if you do), people are living all around you that you will see all the time that you can get to know, and then you’ll have friends living right next door.
The bottom line is that you need to be able to trust the people you live with. At the most basic level, you should feel safe around your roommates. If you don’t, then that will obviously be a major issue, and you should probably talk to your community leader. Having a roommate in and of itself is a mutual giving up of trust, saying you feel safe enough to sleep in the same room as them, to show them all the quirks you might have in your routine, to call your mom while they’re around, to let your guard down. If you establish that level of trust early on, you will be in great shape for community living this upcoming semester.
I am excited to hang out with my live-in friends again this semester, and my hope for every incoming freshman, especially the introverted ones, is that they will have a similar experience.
