By Piper Rutherford | Staff Writer
Press pause on rewatching fall episodes of “Gilmore Girls,” put down the pumpkin spice latte and blow out the cinnamon-scented candle. Stop making autumn your entire personality.
You are not in a Hallmark movie set in a small town on the East Coast where couples are bundled up in sweaters as they compete in the town’s apple bobbing and pie contests.
This is Texas, where the weather is still reaching 90 degrees in October and the chances of you breaking a sweat while walking to class are quite high.
A fall favorite that I’m sick of is people taking a sudden affinity to hiking in the great outdoors, as if walking up a mountain just to come back down it is fun.
And let’s not pretend that we love camping and sleeping in a tent either. On the inside, we are secretly the stepmom from “The Parent Trap,” and we enjoy the comforts of our own bed and bathrooms with plumbing.
As for those who resort to stress baking during midterms, it is unnecessary to bake dozens of loaves of pumpkin or banana bread simply because it is fall. There is plenty of time to bake during the upcoming holidays.
I will also not be wasting my money on going to a haunted house this fall, where tickets can be relatively expensive. For instance, America Haunts reported that a single admittance ticket for a haunted house can cost anywhere between $25-$75 at major amusement parks.
The concept of paying strangers to drench themselves in fake blood as they swing an axe at me is not an activity that I consider to be enjoyable. You can also get this same experience for free when walking alone at night in Waco.
And while I love to read a good book, cozying up next to a bonfire guarantees that my hair and clothes will smell like ashes and firewood for days, even after multiple washes.
On the topic of fire, please stop lighting every candle you own. House fires are real and candles are a big contributor to them. For instance, the U.S. Fire Administration reported that candles are responsible for about 20 home fires each day.
As for the childhood favorite of wandering through a corn maze, this is a place where I — and likely many others — are traumatized after getting lost.
Yes, a child navigating their way through this life-size puzzle may teach them how to problem solve and use critical thinking skills, but it is far more likely that they will end up in tears as a swarm of people try to frantically find them.
So, do yourself a favor this fall season and just say no to jumping in piles of dead leaves and wearing flannel. You are not in a Gap advertisement for fall clothing.
