By Marisa Young | Staff Writer
“Ring by spring” culture permeates most schools in the South, and Baylor is certainly no exception. Getting engaged by the spring of senior year is not harmful in itself, but setting marriage as a goal to achieve during one’s time in college can be.
Perhaps the most obvious problem with this mindset is that it takes away from the primary purpose of college: getting an education. While it’s certainly healthy to make meaningful connections in college, at the end of the day, we are all paying extensive amounts every semester to get a degree, not a soulmate.
Maintaining a constant overemphasis on romantic relationships while juggling college leads to a loss of perspective, and as a result, students’ intellectual development and careers suffer.
The “ring by spring” epidemic becomes dangerous due to the unrealistic expectations it creates. Some individuals are fortunate enough to find their suitable partner by the end of college. However, for those who do not have that experience, it can subconsciously create a sense of failure.
Constant cycles of dating and breaking up cause frustration with others, but they can severely damage your relationship with yourself as well. Research shows that the disappointment of not finding your perfect person often accumulates poor self-image and creates room for anxiety.
The issue of finding a lifelong partner in college is further complicated by the lack of stability that these four years afford students. Emotionally, psychologically and morally, students are not done developing until far after the typical college age of 18 to 22. Research indicates that the frontal lobe is not fully developed until between the ages of 25 and 30.
Your perfect person today might be different in five years. This does not mean that finding your forever partner is impossible; rather, it is rare while at college.
In contrast to “ring by spring” culture, I propose that college is best experienced when you’re not looking for your husband or wife. Perhaps not everyone is even meant to experience marriage. But one thing that we will all collectively experience is friendship.
I stand by the sentiment that Baylor is for bridesmaids. I would argue that the best use of time in these brief college years is spent forming the platonic relationships that will last the rest of your life. Pouring into the women or men alongside you allows you to tap into so much unexpected wisdom and insight during these four years.
The moments that I remember best in my college experience so far are the times I spent alongside my best friends and roommates, whether we were watching movies, studying late at night, laughing or crying.
Though I may not know who will be standing in front of me at the altar on my wedding day, I know who will be standing next to me in eternal support. The moments I have spent with my friends in college are something that I will never regret, no matter how much time goes by.
I urge everyone to engage wholeheartedly in their platonic relationships every moment they can during their time at Baylor. The deep love and wisdom you encounter might surprise you. Maybe you are meant to find your perfect person in college, but maybe you won’t, and that’s OK. The college experience is really about the friends we made along the way.
