By Kaylee Hayes | Reporter
Dr. Christopher Kaczor, a philosophy professor from Loyola Marymount University, delivered a lecture titled “Erotic Love, Deep Friendship and Heavenly Happiness.” Brought by the Baylor Thomistic Institute to “promote Catholic truth in the contemporary university.” Kaczor’s talk examined how becoming a parent reshapes one’s life and relationships through classical philosophy, scripture and personal experience.
Reflecting on his college years, Kaczor recalled a time when life brimmed with possibilities.
“I remember being full of vigor and potentiality, and the whole world kind of opens up to you, especially when you’re towards the end of your college days, you think, ‘Well, I could do this. I could do that,’” Kaczor said.
However, his path changed on a fall day in his senior year when he received a phone call. He recounted that among the details, two decisive words stood out:
“I’m pregnant.”
This news led him into an emotional period of anger and uncertainty. He admitted he had no degree or plans before describing how he coped by running through the cold Boston weather.
“I had no job, and so I put on my running shoes. And I went out running in the cold Boston weather and ran about eight or 10 miles, and I was just yelling at the sky,” Kaczor said.
Despite the initial shock, the birth of his daughter transformed his outlook. He recalled that the day his child was born was unmatched in joy, and said it was the happiest day of his life.
“I was so happy and smiling so much,” Kaczor said. “Have you ever had this happen where your face hurts because you’re just like, smiling, smiling, smiling.”
Kaczor then introduced insights from ancient philosophy and mythology. He cited Aristotle and the mythological figure Hephaestus — the Greek metalworking god — to illustrate the concept of unity in love. Quoting Hephaestus, he said if two people really love each other, they would want to be melted into one.
He explained that having a child with a partner creates a union that is both physical and genetic, with the child serving as “the glue” that binds the couple together and deepens their shared life.
Kaczor then stated that parenthood is also a way to develop virtue and build lasting relationships. Drawing on Aristotle’s idea of virtue friendships, he described how repeated acts of care and generosity build a bond over time.
“Friendship is always reciprocal by nature,” he said.
He then explained that the daily acts of generosity, patience and service performed by parents reinforce a friendship of virtue.
“If you want to be temperate, you have to repeatedly choose the temperate thing over and over again, not just once or twice, but repeatedly,” Kaczor said.
Comparing it to a mother continuously caring for her child, the act of caring for her child will build up over years and establish a friendship of virtue, according to Kaczor.
He further explained how parenthood challenges the notion of complete control that is common in youth. Reflecting on his college days, when he enjoyed complete freedom, such as choosing when to wake up, what to wear and how to live.
“Having children helps a ton with that First [Commandment] ‘Honor the Lord your God, have no strange gods before me,’ and I do think that at least I felt when I was in college almost like a little god,” he said. “What I mean by that is I got up when I wanted to, put on whatever clothes I wanted to, my major was what I wanted … everything in my life I was pretty much in control.”
Despite this, he said that having his kid smashed his illusion that he was in control and that having children taught him humility.
Nashville grad student Michael Bailey commented on the relevance of Kaczor’s blend of ancient wisdom and modern experience.
“[It] speak[s] towards a lot of hesitations we may have to do hard things and to really see the great joys of lasting relationships and happy marriages with children,” Bailey said.
