By Olivia Turner | Arts & Life Editor
To me, friendships are like romantic relationships — and not just because I like to call my friends my “pookies,” flirt with them and go on “dates.”
I say this because I’ve found many of the rules for romantic relationships also apply to friendships. They need love, care and attention just like love relationships do. Be an active listener, communicate with each other, be honest, respect boundaries and be mindful of their love languages.
This isn’t to say having casual friendships is a bad thing. For the most part, it’s normal to go into a relationship of any kind with an open mind and expectations. It’s OK to have friends that you don’t necessarily commit to, perhaps your coworkers or the people you sit next to in class. But for those “best friend” type of relationships, it takes more than a few similarities and shared interests. It takes work and persistence — from both sides.
Cultivating a valuable friendship means playing on the defense, too. Unfortunately, this can be the toughest part for many people — I know it is for me.
Just like going on those first few dates, the first few hangouts can reveal a lot about a person — you just have to look for the little signs. How do they talk about their other friends? How do they talk to their friends? What about their family? Respect is so incredibly important for the flourishing of any relationship. How your friends treat the other people in their lives often foreshadows the way they will one day treat you.
One thing to especially watch out for is reciprocation. Do they ask you where you want to hang out and go get food? Do they compliment you and ask about your day? Or are you the one doing all that?
If you feel like your friends aren’t putting in the same energy and effort, why are you friends with them?
Friendships can even turn abusive, something most people don’t take into consideration, even if they are experiencing certain toxic behaviors. Is the silent treatment, backstabbing, failure to take responsibility, insults, double standards and gaslighting all beginning to rear their ugly heads? If so, I urge you to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship.
If you’re seeing major red flags in your friendships or if you feel like you constantly have to walk on eggshells to keep your friends happy, get out. Getting close to someone and spending more time with them doesn’t mean you lose all sense of judgment and boundaries. This becomes all the more reason to reinforce and protect those values.
It can really be a bummer to get close to someone and discover you are not compatible with them. But the truth is, in our big Baylor bubble, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I can guarantee you that one person is likely not the only one you’re going to develop a wonderful friendship with.
Ultimately, life throws enough curveballs. Don’t let your friends of all things be what’s stressing you out and causing issues. Even if it’s difficult or uncomfortable, weed out the bad friends in your life. In the end, it will improve your quality of life.
