By Josh Siatkowski | Staff Writer
Last night, ABC hosted a presidential debate that exemplified the tension, frustration and uncertainty facing American politics. Just a few hours before, in Waco Hall, David Brooks tried to do the opposite.
New York Times columnist and bestselling author David Brooks came to Baylor once again for a lecture hosted by the Office of the Provost and the Office of the President. Brooks focused on empathy, loneliness and connection, all issues in his latest book, “How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” In the body of his speech, Brooks outlined how to be an “illuminator,” a person who brings comfort and confidence to others through their presence.
Brooks began his lecture with some harrowing statistics and attributed these changes to the current political climate, giving listeners a fresh perspective before the debate.
“Politics give you the illusion that you have a team,” Brooks said as he listed off the data. Suicide, depression and loneliness have skyrocketed. Friendship, empathy and trust have plummeted. Brooks said the stats reveal that we are becoming “a sadder country.”
But Brooks did not come all the way down to list off sobering numbers and blame the system. He came to offer a solution to this “social and emotional crisis.” Instead of keeping with the trend of angrier and lonelier Americans, Brooks provided a guide to become an illuminator. In Brooks’ terms, illuminators are those people with a visible excitement to get to know and befriend someone.
The most important traits of an illuminator, Brooks said, are found in how they view others, how they support others and how they converse with others.
One of the biggest reasons we are so lonely is because we don’t see others as people. Brooks said this tarnished perspective comes from a lack of God.
Brooks became a Christian in 2013. He grew up Jewish with varying levels of belief in the faith, but said his conversion to Christianity began when he was standing in the subway station and “realized that everyone around [him] had a soul.” Only with this Christian worldview can people see others with the “infinite value and dignity” they deserve.
Brooks spent significant time on the topic of “accompaniment.” The term, which dates back to medieval Christianity, simply means to be physically with someone as they struggle. Brooks used an example that his former student used in an essay.
The student, who had recently lost her father, was at the wedding of her friend. When the father and daughter dance began, she had to excuse herself to cry. She exited the bathroom to find her whole table standing in the hallway, ready to offer a quiet embrace.
This story, Brooks said, exemplified “the art of presence.” It highlights the value of physical support in situations when words cannot provide solace, which is often the case for those fighting depression.
Brooks spent the majority of his speech exploring how illuminators converse. Firstly, he highlighted the importance of asking questions. But he went further than simply invoking the “listen more than you talk” adage.
Brooks focused deeply on finding the root of disagreements. It’s not enough to discover what people believe, he said. What really matters is finding why someone thinks the way they do. That can only be done with engaged, open listening — what Brooks called “loud listening.”
“Find the disagreement under the disagreement under the disagreement,” Brooks said. “Ask questions, [like] ‘How did you come to believe this?’”
Brooks acknowledged the irony of a person like him giving insight to relationships. As a writer, he calls his work “a solitary profession.” He said multiple times that he was often in his life “up in his head.”
But Brooks also said he’s grown. For those who may not have bought it, he appealed to one of the highest authorities in relationships: Oprah Winfrey.
Brooks was interviewed by Oprah twice, once in 2014, and again in 2019. When she saw him the second time in 2019, Brooks said that even Oprah herself noticed his emotional guard lowering. He attributed that openness to the things he mentioned in his speech.
Among the nearly 2,000 students, faculty, staff, parents and Wacoans in attendance for Brooks’ lecture, numerous freshmen honors students came to hear more on their summer reading project.
Norman, Okla. freshman Jay Abbott said that he found the book “excellent,” and that when combined with the lecture, he got some great insight entering his freshman year.
“I think coming into Baylor as a freshman, the part about knowing people is important,” Abbott said. “When you’re first having interactions, asking open-ended questions, not just yes or no questions… are really important. And David Brooks added to that in his talk when he talked about asking narrative-oriented questions.”
Brooks’ message was one that exposed the emptiness of our current secular, polarized country. Everyone is searching for some “richness,” Brooks said, but not in the right place.
In an ending conversation with Linda Livingstone, Brooks said that students at Baylor know better than most where to find it.
“You have the richness that the rest of the world is hungering for.”
