By Abbey Ferguson | LTVN Reporter/Anchor
The holiday season can be a lonely time for those who are single. Couples post photos in matching pajamas. Mistletoe just leads to an eye roll. Your great aunt keeps asking about when you are going to find a boyfriend, and you desperately want to find that Hallmark-movie-type of romance. But there is a solution that doesn’t involve scrolling mindlessly on dating apps, sulking in your bedroom or waiting for someone to approach you in a Waco coffee shop and invite you to a candlelit dinner: Take yourself out on dates.
We live in a culture that sees solitude as something negative. We feel social pressure to engage in activities with others at all times, and that weight is increased in college because we are constantly surrounded by people our age and endless opportunities for social engagement. Solitude is powerful, and yet so many people can’t seem to face it because of the fear of finally facing themselves. However, it’s time to break the mold. Some of the most fulfilling moments from my college experience haven’t been spent with friends; they’ve been spent alone.
There are a multitude of science-backed benefits to spending more time alone, such as increased productivity, mental strength and creativity. A professor of psychology at Durham University found that solitude can help us regulate our emotions. On top of that, taking yourself out on dates alone in public will build up your confidence.
Yet the most important reason of them all is spending more time alone allows you to know yourself better. It can be scary to engage our own thoughts because it means we finally have to accept who we are. And while that task feels heavy, it’s also necessary. How can you expect someone else to understand who you truly are when you don’t even know yourself? Time alone is a tool for self-awareness. You can explore your desires, passions, goals, flaws and needs without the judgment of another person.
However, just like romantic dates, it is the quality of solitude that is more valuable than the quantity. I have found that intentional alone time has actually increased how much I like myself, which in turn has elevated my standards for dating. If I can be confident enough to go out, buy myself a nice dinner and enjoy my own company, then so can someone else.
Go to the movies. Buy yourself flowers. Go for a picnic. Plan a late-night drive. Journal and listen to some slow jazz. Take an afternoon trip to Fabled. Drive around looking at Christmas lights alone this holiday season. Don’t wait around for another person to take you out; just do it yourself.
