5-foot failure: Size is only excuse for not playing sports

By Foster Nicholas | Sports Writer

As a kid, I always wanted to be a professional baseball player. I dreamed of playing under the lights and hitting walk-off home runs. Then I grew up and realized being a man blessed with great stature and standing at a sweet 5 feet, 7 inches on a good day, I would never dunk a basketball or hammer a homer. So instead, I am happy to call out the greatness on the court instead of making the greatness myself.

For many students who don’t play sports, it’s because they aren’t interested or aren’t able. Height is the greatest excuse for not playing professional sports. On the other hand, if you are above 6 feet tall and have great physique, there is honestly no good excuse for not playing a sport.

For those of you who get asked the question, ‘what sport did you play,’ on an everyday basis from people you don’t know, I can only frown. With the lucky genetics so many college students have, if there is an opportunity for anyone to play a sport, they should. For me, I grin at those people and can only wish for that stature.

I have thought about wearing stilts and playing basketball, but it isn’t necessarily possible, and I would still never be asked the question ‘what sport did you play when you were younger.’ However, I will — until I grow up emotionally — still brainstorm how it would be possible to consistently get asked the question.

With the rise of the Savannah Bananas, I have tested my stilt skills, as they bring an interesting twist to the game of baseball. But when I imagine myself swinging a bat with stilts on, the only image in my head is a short man falling off the stilts while running to first base.

That may not be the answer, but maybe if I wear an oversized jersey with my last name on it, people would believe I played pro, unless, of course, it was a football jersey. But still, my size would probably indicate that I was a super fan instead of ‘the real deal.’

If none of those options work, I may just have to find an interest in golf, table tennis or even bobsledding because I may be better suited for that.

I can see it now. ‘The 5-foot, 6-inch table tennis extraordinaire who goes down the slopes when he’s feeling like it’s a good day.’ But, there will never be the same publicity for the tiny table tennis superstar as some 7-foot Australian who pops out of nowhere and takes the NBA by storm.

Until I run out of time, I will continue to brainstorm and train myself for the opportunity to play on the big stage. Even if my tiny stature makes it impossible, I will battle on.

From the broadcast booth or the sideline, my genuine love for sports will shine through until the day I fade away, but if I was 6-foot-anything, I would be a star.

In all honesty, those of you tall folks have it good and until my dying day, I will continue to say my exquisite stature is the only reason I never played professional sports.