How to survive Baylor Chapel

By Ryan Barrett | Multimedia Journalist

If you’ve walked through the sacred doors of Waco Hall at any point during the morning, chances are you’ve gone to Chapel. Everyone who goes to Chapel comes to know the amazing quirks that come along with standing in a room with around one thousand other tired, stressed college students for an hour while you worry about the next deadline or test you have … or what you’re going to eat for lunch. The earlier the chapel, the more dismal the participants. But, no matter what time of day you go, there are universal laws to that place that no one can evade. I have compiled these laws into a list for the pleasure and convenience of all who may come to know what it is like to be in “Big Chapel.”

The Seven Deadly Sins of Baylor Chapel

1. Being five minutes early or being on time

Do you want to leave chapel each morning before your hair turns gray? If so, you better get to chapel an hour early so you can stake your spot out in the lobby. As soon as they open the doors to the auditorium, make sure to start sprinting for your seat. Don’t be afraid to fight a few people, because you can’t yield those coveted spots by the aisle. If you decide that showing up right before it starts is the way for you, be prepared to spend an eon watching people shuffle down the aisles like old ladies

2. Averting your eyes downward for more than 3.45 seconds

Do you have a piece of lint stick on your clothes? Did want to observe the general splendor that is the Waco Hall floor? Well, restrain yourself, because if you look downward for more than a few seconds, you’re risking the life of your Chapel attendance that day. Baylor hasn’t provided the Chapel watchmen with X-ray vision goggles yet, so anything that looks like interaction with a phone could be a one-strike-you’re-out trip up the aisle.

3. Checking the time on anything with a screen

Everyone knows the devil created smart watches, so don’t you dare bring those in to chapel and actually try to use them for keeping track of time. If that screen lights up and you decide to look at it, then sayonara my friend.

4. Singing loud enough for people around you to hear

Everyone loves the days when we get to mumble the words of songs under our breathe like the passionate Christian worshippers we are!

5. Singing at all

Uh oh, did that person just look at me? Can they hear me singing? I better just zip my lips and stare awkwardly toward the stage while everyone else sings so I can avoid being judged by anyone. It takes less effort anyways, and everyone knows that’s the best way to go.

6. Caring about your grade in other classes

You may be doing nothing for an hour while in chapel, but you better not try to study for a test. That’s right, put the flashcards away. Remember, you can’t look downward for any length of time anyways, or the mercenaries will catch you slipping. But feel free to get that extra beauty sleep, they seem to have no issue with napping.

7. Leaving before you’ve seen the beloved green light

Remember: ID card photos face away from you, sliding in the direction of the arrow. There are no exceptions for a bad swiper. We’re just lucky they haven’t tried to incorporate Duo Mobile into the process yet.