Viewpoint: Lonely girls need puppies

By Ada Zhang

Quite often, I hear girls complain about not having a boyfriend and feeling lonely. Loneliness sucks, I get that. Whenever I feel lonely, I usually find solace in a pint of vegan ice cream, so I completely empathize with the desire for companionship. What I don’t understand is why the void created by loneliness has to be filled by a male presence. I would like to suggest an alternative solution to the problem: get a dog.

Dogs are easier to obtain than men. Simply search “puppies” on Craigslist and voila, you’ve got all the information you need to adopt a dog.

The boyfriend market is quite different. (I guess you could search “boyfriend” on Craigslist, but I strongly advise against it.) Acquiring a boyfriend is a long and exhausting process. First, a guy has to acknowledge your existence. This means you have to look somewhat presentable at all times. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Once a guy finally notices your ethereal beauty and charm, you are to give him your phone number and wait. And wait, and wait. Typical gender roles dictate that as a girl, you can’t call him first. But the wait feels miserable because you know he won’t dial your digits for at least a week to avoid seeming desperate.

Let’s fast forward past all of the back and forth texting where the two of you discover how much you have in common and pretend that he finally asks you to be his girlfriend and you guys become FBO (Facebook official). Congratulations, you are no longer single, but now the real work begins. You have to keep your man interested, a task which will prove to be increasingly difficult as time passes and he becomes more and more bored with your idiosyncratic quirks he once found so adorable.

With a dog, this would hardly be an issue. When you come home from a long day of school or work, your dog will greet you with a floppy tongue and a wagging tail. A dog’s interest in his owner does not dissipate over time. Whenever he hears the rattling of keys, he will dash to the front door with excitement as if to say, “Where the heck have you been? I missed you so much.”

Would a boyfriend dash to the door upon your return home? Maybe during the first month of the relationship, he would. But let’s be honest, it all goes downhill from there.

If the issue isn’t loneliness but age, then I fully condone getting a boyfriend. If you are single and 40, then getting a dog would do you no good. At 50, then perhaps you should consider the Craigslist option.

With a dog, you don’t have to worry about looking or smelling nice. A dog will always take your side in political arguments and will never complain about your Friday night movie choice.

Ada Zhang is a junior professional writing major from Austin. She is a staff writer for The Lariat.