Concealed carry laws: They’re all over the news.
Congress can’t come to consensus on the issue. Here’s the answer: Texas should secede. Then we will be free to make our own laws. It’s the only logical solution.
Texas is the Lone Star State. If we’re so alone, then why are we a part of this huge union anyway? Texas flourished as a republic for nearly 10 years. America’s barely been holding together for almost 237 years. The numbers are clearly in our favor. Texas is better off alone. Still not convinced? Consider this:
1) Guns. We have them.
We’ve all heard the saying ‘Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.’ But people with guns definitely kill people. So let’s have those Texans with guns aim their weapons at Texas’ enemies.
Look at Baylor’s campus. According to a recent Lariat survey, 53.8 percent of the Baylor students that responded already own a handgun. Perfect. Haphazard citizens flailing around deadly weapons will be more effective than a trained militia any day. I can’t wait to see disgruntled students traipsing across campus at 8 a.m. with a cocked gun in their pocket.
2) Our governor.
Gov. Rick Perry has already proven his leadership capabilities on the national stage in his astounding run for president during the last election. If only America had been ready to receive his brilliant leadership.
Before he bowed out to give those other guys a chance, he revealed his ability to make government exciting. Remember the Republican presidential debate in Michigan? Perry brought up three government agencies he was planning to cut, but kept the audience guessing as to the last one, the Department of Energy, until just the right time. The moment he remembered it himself.
But that’s his charm. You never know what Perry is going to do next, and neither does he.
3) The Texas Legislature
Another fantastic track record. I could sit here all day listing the tremendous triumphs of the Texas government, but let’s focus on its crowning achievement in 1971.
The Legislature passed a bill honoring Albert de Salvo for his contribution to population control. De Salvo confessed to being the Boston Strangler in 1965. The strangler killed many women in the Boston area in the early 1960s. The exact quantity of the victims is unknown, but estimates put the number around 11.
Texas has already proven its ability to control its borders. Look at our border with Mexico. Border patrol agents in Texas have done a fantastic job keeping illegal immigrants out.
The Federation for American Immigration Reform reported that illegal immigrants in 2009 were only costing the state $8,878,402,789.
So it’s settled. Texas needs to secede. But why stop at Texas? If we really want to settle this debate, Baylor needs to create a nation of its own. We have two Starbucks, a Panda Express and a workout center where we can burn off all of those calories. It’s everything a nation needs.
Baylor Nation, it’s time to make our name a reality. Disclaimer: Aggies need not apply for citizenship.