By Camille Kelly | Reporter
Loneliness appears to be becoming more common in our culture today than spring allergies are in Central Texas.
A study by the American Psychological Association found that, as of November this past year, more than 6 in 10 U.S. adults say societal division is a significant source of stress in their lives.
Individualism reigns supreme as an idolized ideal in our modern day, and though it is often praised for promoting autonomy and free choice, a harmful effect of this philosophy is an ever-increasing lack of community in the lives of so many people.
This topic of “the loneliness epidemic,” as Dr. Vivek H. Murthy referred to it back in 2023, has been explored and likely exhausted in recent years, both in scientific research and in public opinion.
Many people are searching for the various contributing factors they believe are causing the rise in isolation in our country, whether they be the culture of “rugged individualism” in the U.S., declining mental health, overwork, the decline of community spaces, the rise of social media, etc.
Even in an increasingly polarizing society filled with many antagonists to the deep community we all desire, it is possible to find authentic, substantive community. Maybe what we lack in our daily lives is not the opportunity for connection but devotion.
Finding community is hard. To feel lonely is to be human, and we will all have times in our lives when we feel alone or struggle to find genuine connection. This has been true for me before.
But I have also found that there are always people somewhere who will embrace you with open arms. Imperfect, beautiful people with the same want for connection that you and I both carry. And if you don’t find them immediately, there are always more people in need to help.
So why then, according to the surveys, are we all still so lonely?
I cannot go into my main argument yet without first saying that what you are really longing for can only be found in Jesus Christ. We want to all be fully loved, fully known and understood, fully seen and never alone in this life.
Jesus offers this to all of us when he says in Matthew, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest … you will find rest for your souls.”
Now that that is established, what about connection with other people? After all, even the Bible over and over again talks about the importance of being in community, whether you look in Leviticus and Numbers, where God is setting up laws for the Israelites who are learning how to live as a real society for the first time after being freed from slavery in Egypt or in Paul’s letters to the early churches in the New Testament, which instruct believers on how to live in harmony and honor one another.
It’s clear, no matter what you believe, that people need each other.
But if we are feeling lonely, feeling isolated and separated from one another, what could be causing that?
Well, we could.
In Acts 2:42, it says that the believers were all together and that “they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
They were devoted, not just to the apostles’ teaching, but to fellowship. That word gets tossed around as a kind of “Christian” term in church circles a lot, but what it means is companionship, or as the original Greek word koinonia translates, “participative sharing in a common religious commitment.”
Much of the research I’ve read exploring our modern-day loneliness problem doesn’t seem to offer any solutions. However, the rich community, the fellowship and lack of loneliness we all wish we had — the early church in Acts had that — and they devoted themselves to it.
Community takes our commitment. It means talking to new people even when it’s scary. It means caring about the needs and wants of others, not just our own. It means getting uncomfortable, making time, showing up and not bailing when conflicts arise. It means clicking out of YouTube and leaving your room every once in a while. It means not shying away when it’s hard and not looking to only your own interests. It takes mutual vulnerability. It takes consistency and continuing to show up and reach out and make time together happen.
Most of all, it takes devotion.
I think the problem for some of us isn’t that we can’t find community. It’s that we don’t want to embrace the consistency and sacrifice it takes to fully commit.
All that said, I want to take a moment to say that every situation and every person is different. You may be in a place right now where you don’t have community, where you do feel isolated and lonely and you just can’t seem to find “your people.”
That is not your fault.
To that person, I just want to say that, although I know it may get tiresome to hear it and may sound painfully cliche, the right people will find you.
To everyone else: if you’re longing for deeper community, sometimes it just takes one small step out of your comfort zone to get started. Ask to coffee that one class friend you’ve been sitting next to all semester, go to a group hangout or just make plans with that one old friend you haven’t talked to in a while. It’s not about social events and big groups of people.
Devote yourselves to fellowship, commit to your community that’s right in front of you and be open to welcome others in. You have the power to create community.
Besides, you may never know how much someone else needs a friend until you decide to be one.
