By Cameron McCollum | Photographer
Romantic love is an eternal, unstoppable emotion that fills our stomachs with butterflies and our hearts with joy. You realize it after allowing yourself to be vulnerable with that significant other. Those Hallmark movie moments and every day spent together become engraved into your very identity — and then one day, it all goes away.
Love hurts.
Heartbreak is a universal human experience, whether it’s from the loss of a family pet, a loved one’s passing, having a fallout with a friend or the grief we experience during a breakup.
According to an article published by Healthline, “heartbreak can lead to changes in eating habits, reduced motivation and increased depression.” An article from the National Library of Medicine says a breakup can lead to post-traumatic stress, anxiety, substance abuse, poor self-esteem, low life satisfaction and poor physical health.
After a breakup, we experience the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The schedule of when we experience these emotions will always be dependent on both who we are and what we do for ourselves. To be rejected by someone who knows you well but still makes the decision to not be with you can be traumatizing.
However, in an academic article titled “Changes in Self-Definition Impede Recovery from Rejection,” the authors state how we are better at recovering from major interpersonal setbacks, such as a romantic breakup, than we anticipate.
After a breakup, we experience a flood of negative emotions that overwhelm our senses, and reminders of what once was pull us deeper into the post-breakup depression. It’s the act of overcoming these emotions that will transform a breakup into a self-actualizing wake-up.
The best step towards recovery is remembering there was an entire life lived without them and even more life to be lived after them. What should not be happening during recovery is viewing romantic rejection as a bruise that hinders growth.
Recovering from a breakup has no time limit, no matter if that’s two weeks or two years. Regardless, the sun will still rise, and you will learn to love another. Instead, face the heartbreak as a step towards greater emotional maturity.
One mistake that hinders growth during the loss of a romantic relationship is the constant reminder of the past. Photos, places, activities — even colors — can all be things that just rub salt into the wounded heart. Keepsakes that hold cherished memories might want to be considered given up or at least hidden until a complete emotional acceptance is reached.
Another challenging aspect of a breakup is how some couples intertwine self-identity with their partner’s. So, when a breakup happens, people’s sense of self can become lost. A common coping mechanism that combats this is self-care. Working out, eating healthier, using a support system, getting sunshine and making new memories despite grief will give another step towards character growth.
Heartbreak is a self-journey that will be walked step-by-step for our well-being. Even if self-care is getting three meals a day or talking to a friend, baby steps are still steps. Find what helps you feel like yourself again.
The path from denial to acceptance is narrow and twisted. While walking the trail muddled with regret, we must push on towards self-actualization. Eventually, we will learn to love ourselves, our community and eventually a new romance.
A breakup does not define who we are. Our growth from heartbreak defines who we will become.
