By Mesha Mittanasala | Photographer
“OMG, you will not believe what my mom did. I just can’t stand her sometimes.”
We’ve said this line to our closest friends after ranting about the last argument we’ve had with our parents. But as we move away from home and start our adult lives, maybe it’s time we take a more mature approach to how we interact with our parents.
With any argument, disagreement or embarrassing situation they drag us into, we can’t completely change how our parents behave. The only thing we can control is how we react. If our parents refuse to change, we must understand why their decision is their decision. Before taking any action, it’s important for us to have compassion for our parents and understand them through a cultural and historical lens.
You may ask, “Why is it important to learn your culture’s history?” Well, our cultures lay the foundation of our values, beliefs and identities, and our parents adopt the traditions, communication styles and perspectives of our cultures. Instead of blaming your culture for the problems of your familial relationships, embrace it and try to understand the history behind it to recognize why people in your communities act a certain way.
What historical events have affected our parents’ generation, and how did their environments shape who they are? Asking these questions allows us to understand where they come from and how to satisfy their desires while prioritizing our own goals. You are able to communicate your concerns and express your feelings without dismissing their opinions.
You may also ask, “Why is it important to learn about your family’s history?” In addition to learning our culture’s history, we must also learn about monumental events our parents and even grandparents lived through.
Did your parents immigrate, and did they face financial instability anytime throughout their lives? By asking these questions, we can understand why our parents practice generational parenting patterns — traits that are passed down from parent to child. Some traits are positive, but a lot can be negative and can foster toxic habits and relationships. Every pattern has an origin, and by understanding what leads to that pattern, we can move positively and create change within our family dynamics.
This is our parents’ first time being parents, so of course they aren’t going to be perfect. Let’s make their journeys a little easier by having more compassion.
