By The Editorial Board
Despite declining birth rates nationwide, people talk about babies nonstop. The “baby-fever” hashtag has 4.2 million posts on Instagram and 1.6 million on TikTok. Our culture loves babies, and whether you have one or not, you’ve most definitely experienced one.
They’re on our screens, too. A cute video of a baby doing absolutely nothing can garner millions of likes simply because it’s a baby. However, what’s rarely talked about is the emotional competency and stability that it takes to raise a successful child.
Despite all this, we still find babies and small children incredibly endearing. We double-tap on baby “OOTDs”, offer to babysit for friends and family and smile at strollers as they pass by. And sure, it can be fun to idealize or daydream about your future family, but the problem lies in action without preparation.
Then, we scroll to the next video, or go back to our quiet, baby-free homes and forget all about it. That’s the true meaning of the term “baby-fever,” which is described as a longing to have your own child.
But a baby is certainly easier when it’s not your responsibility.
This is a classic paradox — we’re often obsessed with the idea of something rather than the reality it represents, and having children is no exception to this.
When you decide to have children, no matter what age, it’s a lifetime commitment. Your role as a parent doesn’t miraculously end when your child turns 18 or even when they have children of their own. In today’s culture, we’re seeing an emphasis on parents who are young and cool, and on a much broader scale, the romanticization of struggle.
We look up to stories about hardship and strife — the single moms that raise star-studded professional athletes, the young immigrants that cross war zones to give their children better lives and teen moms doing it all by themselves. These, while inspirational and heartwarming, are just success stories.
The approximately 400,000 children currently living in foster care don’t get a front-page feature in lifestyle magazines. Nearly 10 million single-parent households don’t get Instagram shoutouts either.
The statistics surrounding divorce are bleak as well. Although the divorce rate has seen a drop in recent years, its effects are overpowering and cyclical in nature.
According to a paper by economists at the University of Maryland, University of California, Merced; and the U.S Census Bureau, children whose parents divorce when they are 15 years or younger have an increased chance of teen pregnancy and incarceration.
That’s a scary statistic, and although this editorial isn’t meant to scare you out of having children, it serves as an important reminder of the cyclical nature of effective parenting typically has.
Psychology Today reports that positive, present parents play a key role in children’s cognitive development and serve as a foundation for future success. Of course, with anything, there are exceptions, but the sentiment still stands — a happy, loving home will set the stage for generations after.
Even beyond the need for good parents, our world needs more good kids. The New York Times reports that children’s reading and literacy scores are the lowest they’ve been in decades, which experts attribute to parental involvement as well. Several studies by the National Institute of Health show that children who grow up in higher-conflict or single-parent homes are 50-70% more likely to drop out of high school, have poor grades and struggle with substance abuse.
The world needs parents who are ready to be parents, which results in well-adjusted children.
One could make the argument that no one is really ever prepared to be a parent, which is true; no one child is exactly the same, and raising another human being is bound to be a lot of trial and error.
It’s incredibly honorable to hear the success stories of successful individuals who suffered through a hard childhood. But when we start treating strife as a precursor to success, we effectively lose the plot.
It’s not controversial to say no child should ever suffer. And it’s not controversial to say parenthood is contingent on being able to emotionally, physically and financially support your children.
We do think it’s important to point out that this editorial is not at all meant to disparage young parents or anyone wanting children. Wanting to start a family is a confirmed biological phenomenon, and the joys of parenthood should be experienced by all those who desire it.
You may want a child, but a child needs a parent. It’s up to us as much as it is to parents — we don’t want to see any more children put at a disadvantage. Children and parents both succeed through education, and that starts first in the home.
