By Erika Kuehl | Opinion Editor
Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Waco anymore. We’re in Woodway.
That was my first thought after entering The Butcher’s Cellar. Walls full of instruments that could’ve belonged to my grandad. Busts of animals that honestly, looked happy to be there. And the iconic photo of Lunch atop a Skyscraper fixes the mood for a meal that will send you to new heights.
The manager of The Butcher’s Cellar, Matt Koen, described the establishment’s atmosphere as “elevated peculiar.” He’s not wrong. From fox curtain holdbacks, deep blue plush booths and ornate wallpaper, you’ll feel like you’re falling down the rabbit hole from Alice in Wonderland.
My server first fed me with a compliment – always the right way to treat a journalist reviewing your food. She meticulously ran me through the menu, providing a sense of professionalism Chick-fil-A could only wish to emulate.
Both chefs of The Butcher’s Cellar were contestants from Hell’s Kitchen Season 21. Alejandro Najar and Alyssa Osinga crafted food far closer to heaven than the show’s title.
When first looking at the menu, I can tell you it’s no Cheesecake Factory – in a good way. A menu with 34 items is more than manageable, but I prefer direction from the staff. I asked Koen to bring me his favorites and he did not disappoint.
Shrimp Toast
I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t have ordered this myself. And not because I’m doubtful of the restaurant but because I don’t like shrimp. Made with sourdough, trout roe, miso aioli and chive, they were a beautiful sight. Facing my fear of shellfish, I cut the delicacy in half and took my first bite. I was faced with saltiness from the Tobiko eggs, the subtle sweetness from the aioli and the crunch from the sourdough made a sensation I’ve never had before. For someone who doesn’t like shrimp, I had two. And I boxed up the others.
Butcher’s Cellar Bacon
Who can say no to bacon? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cut of bacon so thick, but then again, Oscar Mayer is not the standard. Sourbon mustard glaze, pickled chilies and apple mostarda gave flavor to bacon I didn’t know it could have. The pickled chilies added a spice that wasn’t unmanageable and was the star of the show for me. The sweetness from the apple mostarda balanced out the heat. Every flavor was thought out. I boxed this up as well. As a leftover connoisseur, it tastes great in an omelet.
Wagyu Bao Buns
I took two bites before picking up my pen – that’s how you know it’s good. My issue with most bao buns is the bun-to-filling ratio. This did not disappoint. Inside was marinated cucumber, the same chilies from the bacon, crispy shallots and miso aioli. What made this so balanced was the proportion between the wagyu, bun and aioli. It was not dry to any extent and I wish it was an entree with four instead of two. I could’ve eaten the whole plate if I didn’t bring a date.
Grilled Oysters
Believe it or not, this was my first oyster. I know – doesn’t look great for someone who is supposed to have a somewhat exceptional palette. I do applaud Koen for ordering things my coy spirit was too scared to. Fearful with the little fork in hand, I picked up a food I’d been avoiding. I squeezed the lemon and breathed in. On first taste – delicious. My thought was that this tastes like Mexican food, which now I can attribute to the chorizo-butter and chilies. It was a fusion of cuisines I didn’t know could meet delicately.
Iron Table Wagyu Burger
“Don’t order a burger at a steakhouse,” say people I don’t agree with. Despite all my better judgment from Anthony Bourdain, I pulled the trigger and dove in. Sharp cheddar, shallot jam and special sauce are just enough ingredients for Bourdain not to turn over in his grave. The crispy edges of the bun had the same texture of a translucent french fry – adding a crunch I know was created by a lot of delicious fat. Along with the burger was an arrangement of thick-cut french fries. I originally thought that they were sprinkled with parmesan cheese, but on closer examination, it was sea salt. No complaints here. As an homage to English cuisine, Koen shared that vinegar and ketchup are the perfect way to eat these fries. This entree was something to remember.
Lemon Blueberry Buttercake
By this point, I was stuffed. But like all good restaurant staff, they convinced me against my better judgment to order dessert. Buttercake is never a bad idea, especially with homemade whipped cream. Light and fluffy, this seasonal item is worth the trip alone.
Brown Butter Chocolate Chip and Brownie Brookie
At this point, Koen had visited the table after every bite. The one downside about this was that he knew my taste. Although I didn’t order the Brookie, I’m happy that he insisted I try it. The first bite of the brownie I could taste the espresso, which is always a good thing. The brown butter cookie had white chocolate chips and a caramelized flavor like a good cookie should have. It had buttermilk ice cream on top that was rolled on a salt block. My least favorite thing about dessert is when it makes you feel so sick that you need a glass of milk. This dessert was nothing of the sort. The saltiness of the ice cream and the rich cookies were the cherry on top of a perfect meal.
Bathrooms are a big deal for us women. Men might always not get it, but we appreciate a good purse hook and a ledge for our phones. Both were accomplished in this resting place. Paired with gold hardware and eclectic animal wallpaper, it makes the perfect place to powder our nose.
My experience was nothing but class and good conversation. I would recommend The Butcher’s Cellar for when your parents come into town or for a first date. As Koen said it best, steakhouses shouldn’t be quiet. So, enjoy good conversation and delicious food. And make sure to order a Diet Coke. They have a good soda machine.
