Blog: Halloween scares don’t compare to senior fears

I’ve got a lot of scary stuff on my mind lately, and it actually has nothing to do with Halloween.

I don’t even flinch during scary movies, but finding a job? I may or may not have just peed my pants. There are three things—far scarier than any ghoul or monster—that I’m dreading as graduation draws closer.

1. The Future

This phrase, “the future,” is so elusive and vague, abstract even. I don’t know what the future holds and I have no way of finding out.

What’s most unsettling about the future is the uncertainty of it all. As graduation approaches, I keep hoping the crystal ball will reveal to me a piece of my destiny, that something will show up in that shiny orb to at least guide me in the right direction. Like any graduating senior, I hope future me has a well-paying job she is passionate about.

While that’s what I hope, I can’t help contemplating the worst case scenario: a recent grad, struggling to make ends meet, accepting a job that doesn’t align with her aspirations.

2. Saying Goodbye to Friends

People come and go, and that’s life, and I’m okay with it for the most part. But college is such a unique experience that the friends I’ve made here I don’t think I can find anywhere else. For that reason, I become anxious every time I think about having to do life without them.

Who will stay up with me until 4 a.m. to cram for a test? With whom will I complain about the ridiculous amount of reading assigned? Who will go to pizza therapy with me? (This is where you do poorly on an assignment and eat pizza to feel better. It’s very effective.)

Well, plainly speaking, no one will do these things with me because no one will have to anymore, because there won’t be any more assigned readings or tests or grades to be sad about. I know I’ll eventually make new friends that share new experiences with me in the next chapter of my life, but right now, I’m just not quite ready to let go of the friends I have.

3. Leaving Home

Austin, Texas is the greatest place in Texas, in the United States, and on earth. (Dallas and Houston never stood a chance.) All my joys and childhood memories are wrapped up in this eclectic city I’ve called home for the past 16 years.

As I build a career and a life in New York City, the Austin skyline will begin to appear small and silly compared to Manhattan’s. I’ll prefer riding the subway to driving through downtown Austin traffic, where the stoplights are never synchronized. As the years pass, I’ll forgo my right to be called an Austinite so I can be called a New Yorker instead, a new identity to match my new home.

When I visit Austin as a New Yorker, I’ll be a tourist, much like the ones I hated so much as a teenager during South-by-Southwest. I’ll be an alien in the place I once called home, and this scares me to death.

So… any idea as to how I convey these fears in a costume? Let me know if you think of anything.