By Juliana Vasquez | Staff Writer
The “friendship recession” is real — how do we combat it? That’s the question Dr. Darin Davis, clinical professor of moral philosophy in the honors program, posed to audience members during his Formation Series lecture, “Community is Good, Friendship is Better,” Tuesday night in the Honors Residential College Willet Family Reading Room.
Hosted by the Honors College, the series provides students with the opportunity to examine what it means to be formed as an entire person (heart, soul, mind and strength), attempting to unite the community through love of learning and engaging lectures, according to the series website.
This semester, the Formation Series theme revolves around friendship, which is where Davis comes in, a scholar and teacher of friendship.
“I’ve been thinking about friendship in a philosophical and theological way for almost 25 years,” Davis said. “I’ve given talks on the topic, taught courses, I’ve preached sermons on it. I’ve tried my best to practice it well in my life, but my thinking has grown and evolved over the years, reading texts over and again … and learning alongside good students.”
Friendship rates among adults are steadily dropping, which research attributes to various factors like the increased mobility of people, isolation driven by technology and a decrease in accessibility to third places.
Davis used Aristotle’s definition of friendship: a relationship between two people who seek the good of one another and actively do what one another can to help bring that good about.
“Friends know that the care is real and that it is never one-sided, and that’s precisely what love is,” Davis said. “It’s to care for someone else’s good so much that you want to help bring it about and do anything and everything that you can.”
Davis outlined five key takeaways for audience members to understand about the nature of friendship. The first was that self-reflection is required to be a good friend.
“Friendship at its very best should allow us the opportunity to grow, not only as individuals but together as friends,” Davis said. “Friendship really begins with being a good friend, cultivating that kind of character, being aware of our limits.”
The second takeaway was that, unfortunately, not everyone can, and perhaps doesn’t want to, be friends.
“Friendship means that I’m really invested in you for good, and you’re invested in me, and we’re in this together,” Davis said. “We just can’t all be friends.”
Third, Davis said empathy is a necessity in the practice of friendship. In and of itself, he believes friendship teaches people how to be empathetic.
“One of the things that friendship can teach us is how we can truly be empathetic,” Davis said. “Towards other people, to come alongside them in their joys, their hurts and their sufferings, empathy is a good thing.”
The fourth thing one must remember in the study of friendship is to be an encouraging person and an encouraging friend.
“You can learn encouragement in very special ways through friendship,” Davis said. “People need to be encouraged.”
Finally, Davis urged students to always be open to the possibility and hope of friendship.
“We’re bound together in love, and God’s providence is the God of eternity that created us and sustains us and calls us to things,” Davis said. “You never know what God has in store for you. We haven’t met all the people who will love us.”
Warren, N.J., sophomore David Frederick attended the lecture to earn honors credit and learn more about the Formation Series. He asked a question about fluctuating friendship and said he appreciated Davis’ response.
“That’s something that I’ve struggled with recently, and the answer that he gave was really nice,” Frederick said. “He had this idea of being open to friendship, being willing to say that sometimes it is God just moving and allowing friendships to come and go, but then connecting back to something that he said initially, which is that all friendship serves to grow.”
Davis ultimately argued that students should strive to have friendships and make connections with others, as we are not meant to live this life alone.
“Aristotle famously says that no one should choose to live without friends, even if anything and everything else was at hand,” Davis said. “Cicero says that friendship is a part of human nature. We need it, not for the sake of pleasure or usefulness, but because we are fitted for friendship.”
