By Olivia Erickson | LTVN Broadcast Reporter
It’s natural for humans to care about how we are perceived and compared to the people around us. We are wired for social connection, and throughout history, relationships and cooperation have played an important role in human survival.
The Social Creatures Project explains that the need for social connection has developed over time throughout human history. Since the beginning, people have depended on their communities for protection, hunting and even raising children.
While the need to connect with other people has always been part of human nature, social media has turned that urge into something we constantly measure.
After posting a picture on Instagram, you might immediately check whose liked it, commented or ignored it.
Social media has also turned something natural, like wanting to feel accepted or a member of a community, into something quantitative. Followers, likes, comments and views can make belonging feel like a numbers game. Instead of just thinking about if we fit in with the people around us, we can compare how many people appear to care about us online.
Scrolling through our feeds is no exception either. We see an outfit we like, notice which couples have broken up, or find out who is still friends with who. What seems like harmless scrolling can quickly become a way of comparing our lives to everyone else’s.
We want our social media to look like we are having a superior college experience with perfect pictures and the best outfits, all tied together in an aesthetic feed.
Instead of enjoying the present moment, we think about how our actions will be perceived by others. An accomplishment becomes something to post, and even buying the trendiest clothes becomes more important than our own sense of style.
We act as though our lives are something to be performed for an audience instead of actually living them.
The American Psychiatric Association finds that “Social anxiety shows complex relationships with digital media use. The American Psychiatric Association defines this condition through two key dimensions: persistent fear or anxiety in social situations and excessive worry about negative evaluation by others.”
We do not just see this need to fit in on social media; we see it in our friend groups, families and in-class settings. Sometimes we change ourselves to fit in with a certain group because we want to feel accepted, join an organization because it is popular, or choose a career path because we think other people will view it as successful.
College students are in an era of transformation and self discovery. We are figuring out who we are and how we want to define our lives. Being young and making heavy decisions about careers, friendships and futures makes it especially easy to be influenced by our parents, professors and friends.
It’s important to listen to people who care about us and want us to do our best and give us honest advice. There’s a difference, however, between considering the opinions of our loved ones and letting other people’s perspectives define our lives.
Learning to stop caring so much about what other people think is not something that happens overnight or has a quick fix.
Humans probably won’t stop caring about what people think about them. And honestly, we shouldn’t. It’s healthy to seek feedback, honesty and support from the people in our lives who we trust. But, we can become more intentional about whose opinions we actually listen to.
We can also give ourselves permission to keep some things offline. Not every experience needs a picture and not every accomplishment needs a post. The best way to stop worrying about other people’s opinions might just be to give them less access to our lives.
Not everyone will understand why we chose the college we did, our selected major or career path, and that is okay. We won’t be young in college forever, and we should prioritize figuring out who we are instead of constantly worrying about what other people think we should be.
We cannot control what other people think of us, but we can control how much their viewpoints affects us. When we let other people’s opinions take over, it stops feeling like our own lives, and instead becomes theirs.
