By George Schroeder | LTVN Executive Producer
I’m not immune to some of the absolute cuties on this campus, but let’s be honest, constantly chasing relationships is unhealthy and unfulfilling.
I’m not writing out of bitterness, jealousy or arrogance. I’m quite capable of taking women on dates. I just don’t prioritize it.
“Well he can’t pull, so he has no idea what he’s talking about. He’s only saying this because women aren’t interested in him. He’s just trying to be the ‘nice guy,’ but he’s down bad.”
Say what you want, but I think you’ll find some truth in what you’re about to read. There are three points you need to understand as I lay out this argument.
- Dating is a good thing, but soulmates don’t exist (at least not in the way the world describes them).
- It’s totally fine to have a girlfriend, but you don’t need one to live life to its fullest.
- There are exceptions to everything, and this advice will not work for everyone.
“The one” is not out there waiting for you. Two comets aren’t preparing to collide in space, and missing your collision doesn’t mean you’re done. That’s ridiculous, because soulmates don’t exist.
Men, the woman you will one day spend the rest of your life with will be your soulmate, and that woman could be anyone. Whoever it is, you will not be missing out on anyone else.
“The one” for you is the one you choose. So much heartache could be avoided if more people realized when someone breaks your heart, there will eventually be someone else in your life who will pick up the broken pieces.
“She was the one dude, and now she’s gone.”
If she isn’t in your life anymore, she isn’t “the one.”
This still leaves the problem that you need to find the woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with, which is true. Dating is good, but it needs to be done the right way. Don’t constantly rush into relationship after relationship, high after high. Take time for yourself in between.
If this model describes you, don’t pretend like it isn’t taxing. You’re not only hurting yourself but also hurting the ones you leave behind and perpetuating the cycle you’re trapping others in.
My personal strategy is to take it slow and think through all your actions carefully when pursuing someone. Don’t drag out the inevitable. Your relationships deserve timely, respectful and honest choices.
I am very content living this way. Do I want a wife one day? Of course. Do I need that wife tomorrow? Absolutely not.
Far too often when “ending things,” we leave the door cracked open — intentionally — and then wonder why we’re trapped in cycles of drama and toxicity. Dating just to date is a waste of time, money and energy.
If you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I get it; sometimes it sucks. We seek relationships because “everyone else is in one,” or because we don’t want to be “left behind.” We seek relationships for status or personal fulfillment.
It is far better to be single than to be committed to a pointless relationship.
At times, you may want a girlfriend desperately, and I would argue many of those moments are when you need one the least, but wanting and needing are two different things. If you desire companionship, it will come. It may take time. In those times, take advantage of the situation and advance yourself.
You may feel alone, but your situation is not unique. Trust me: Letting go of your desire to be in a relationship will bring you contentment. Singleness is not a curse, and it can be a blessing.
Let relationships come naturally. Prioritize improving yourself and your time commitments. Do not overburden yourself with what could be, but instead work on what is. Save yourself some time, energy and money, and take a step back to set your priorities in order. Don’t think every woman you flirt with is “the one.”
You’re not missing out. Be content with where you are now.