By Mykah Briscoe | Reporter
The holidays are coming, and with them comes good food, less heat and — what I believe is one of the worst possibilities of human interaction — small talk. This year, I propose we all collectively agree to skip it.
I understand why people do it. I understand there may even be a few instances when it might be necessary or even turn out for the better. However, the reality is that a majority of the time, small talk leaves you feeling emptier than you did before it began.
We try to use small talk to fill the silence and alleviate awkwardness, but really, it just perpetuates both.
We ask how someone’s doing, but really, we don’t want the honest answer. We wait for them to say, “I’m doing well. How about you?” We respond likewise.
The conversation ends and more silence ensues, except now, there is an expectation of conversation that can’t be fulfilled. Maybe we talk about the weather or how school is going. We follow the usual script. Then the conversation is over, and we wait for when we can finally part ways.
It becomes more work than necessary to fill the awkward silence that ensues when neither party can keep the conversation going.
Now, don’t get the impression that I’m just saying this because I’m bad at small talk, because I am not. I can fake it with the best of them; I just don’t want to.
A majority of the time, when making small talk, you already know what the person’s answer is going to be. There are no surprises. There is also no intentionality. You’re not getting to know anyone by talking about something no one cares about.
I would rather sit in silence than have to pry answers out of myself with a crowbar for a conversation no one is invested in. As a society, we need to be more OK with silence instead of forcing small talk because we feel pressured to interact. No one is actually pressuring you to interact.
There are many other routes to take to have a conversation with someone that are not small talk. Small talk is really just the easiest option and allows us to feel like we’re doing something despite doing nothing.
I think we give small talk a lot more credit than it’s due. Oftentimes, when we feel small talk was successful or enjoyable, it is really due to simple conversation.
Small talk is inherently flat. That is what makes it small talk. As soon as you breach into being invested, it is no longer small talk but rather a conversation.
I am not saying you should meet someone for the first time and start debating the idea of free will or unpacking what keeps you up at night, but I am saying we do enough in the day-to-day that lacks substance.
We need to take the time to have conversation — to ask questions desiring a true answer and to actually engage with that answer. Next time you feel the pressure to make small talk, stop and think of something else.
