By Mia Martinez | Reporter
I always find myself going back to my 9-year-old self — the version of life I thought was so hard when it was truly so easy. Growing up was something I couldn’t wait for, but now I find myself wishing to go back to the time when I had naps in kindergarten and my biggest worries didn’t follow me back home.
As I grew up, I saw myself change, whether that was becoming more socially awkward or even antisocial at times. I became afraid of letting people in, building walls to protect my childhood self so I could preserve her from the realities and hurt of the world.
At some point, I feel that I completely changed as a person to become socially accepted. I shaped who I was based on who I hung around or what I thought they wanted me to be, even if it meant losing the part of me that was the real me.
Although I thought I was protecting her, I slowly started to lose her. I built walls so high that when good things came, I let them pass me by. When I looked at who I was surrounded by, I realized they didn’t like me for me, but for a version of myself I had created. Eventually, I understood that I didn’t need to change — people will love me exactly as I am.
People who would love the goofy girl who still watches “Gravity Falls” and “Happy Tree Friends.” The girl who laughs too loudly and feels things deeply.
In high school, I found these people; in college, I found these people, the people I can fully say I am my true childhood self. We all need those people and those breaks, especially as college students, because life doesn’t get any easier than it is right now.
Being your childhood self doesn’t make you immature or unlikeable — quite the opposite. It makes you unique, one of a kind and someone worth knowing.
Holding onto our childhood selves doesn’t mean we are refusing to grow up. It means we are choosing to remember who we are, the part of us that has dreams, that laughs loudly without shame and finds joy in the simplest things life has to offer. In a world that continues to tell us to be “mature” or “practical,” being our childhood selves offers authenticity, creativity and a way for us to express ourselves through all the growing pains that are still happening every day.
Permit yourself to be your 9-year-old self again, even if it’s just for a moment. Let yourself get excited for the small things, trust your curiosity and let yourself laugh loudly or be random. In a world that pressures us to grow up and prepare for the real world, holding onto your childhood self can be the key to true happiness in whatever you’re doing.
