By Marissa Essenburg | Sports Writer
In this day and age, so much of people’s happiness has become tied to everyone and everything around us. Somewhere along the way, happiness became far more complicated than it was ever supposed to be — dictated by circumstances, success and other people instead of the choices we make in how we view our own lives.
But like most things in life, everyone sees, feels and defines happiness differently, each with their own perception of what it truly is. Merriam-Webster defines happiness as a state of well-being and contentment, joy or a satisfying experience.
I’d argue that happiness is more than a feeling tied to good moments — it’s a mindset, one not shaped by circumstances or others. And while that definition may vary from person to person, the heart of it remains the same.
Life, as simple as it is, has so much to do with what you make of it.
It is not letting the middle seat in the worst row on the plane — after having to pay an extra $90 because your backpack did not qualify as a carry-on — ruin your entire day. Instead, it is choosing to see what a gift it is to be on that plane at all, to have the opportunity to travel and have had that extra $90 in your pocket in the first place, even though you wish you could’ve spent it differently.
It is not convincing yourself that the Starbucks barista, who has probably made 100 drinks before 10 a.m., is taking forever on your order when, in reality, someone may have just grabbed your drink from the counter. They have no idea, because it is rush hour and it’s not their job to keep tabs on who comes and goes.
Both are real things that happened to me this week, and both are just two examples from what can often feel like an ongoing list of circumstances with every opportunity to drag you down. Or, they can be chalked up to what they are: things that happened.
My dad, a man who has been through more ups and downs than life could possibly throw your way but lives every day like it could be his last, is on the verge of retirement. He is far, far wiser than most people I know, and, while I am incredibly biased, one of the best humans this planet has. In moments like the ones I mentioned, he tells my siblings, my mom and me, “The secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be, and making the best of whatever that is.”
The older I have gotten and the more life I have lived, the more I have come to recognize the truth in those words my dad so often says when things seem to be going wrong. In actuality, they might be one of the keys to this short life we all have here on Earth.
Now, I also believe this state or feeling of happiness is much easier said than done. Nobody is asking anyone to be happy all the time — that is impossible, unfair and carries an overwhelming amount of weight, far too heavy an expectation for any one person to carry.
There is no doubt that hundreds of factors contribute to the idea of happiness. Your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health all play a pivotal role in your life, but also in what psychologists call your subjective well-being.
There is nothing wrong with having hard days, heavy thoughts or moments when life feels like more than you can carry. That is part of being human. But the heartbreak lies in how easily a few dark moments can become all-consuming negative thoughts— how quickly pain can grow louder than joy, and how, before you even realize it, the weight of it all can begin to color everything around you.
While I have absolutely zero qualification to give life advice to anyone, I can say I started experiencing life differently after someone told me to “learn to sit with your feelings without letting them control your decisions because you’re either a glass half full or a glass half empty.”
In a 2015 study, Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues found that happiness is influenced by multiple factors, including genetics, life circumstances and daily behaviors.
What stands out from this experimental study, which examined the immediate and long-term effects of regularly practicing optimism and gratitude on well-being, is that circumstances like success, money or what is going on around us make up only a small portion of happiness, while a much larger part is shaped by our mindset, our habits and the way we choose to respond to life.
When we are kids, happiness and joy come easily. It is simpler. You get to spend the day at the park after school playing with your friends, your parents say yes to that sleepover or the candy bar you spot on the shelf at the grocery store. But as we get older, things like money, life-altering decisions, what comes after graduation and every other stressor life throws our way become the kinds of things that complicate that once-simple joy.
But one of the best things about growing up and becoming an adult is the beautiful freedom that comes with it — the ability to choose, come and go as we please and love and live in whatever way feels true to us.
As Mr. Feeny tells Cory Matthews in the 1993 sitcom “Boy Meets World,” “If you let people’s perception of you dictate your behavior, you will never grow as a person. But if you leave yourself open to experience despite what others think, then you will learn and grow.”
Because the only things that are certain in life are death, taxes and your place in heaven, if you so make that decision. So why not choose to make this life lighter, fuller and more beautiful by the way you decide to live it?
